Jon Doust.
Recently I asked ChatGPT to write my profile. It was overwhelmingly positive, occasionally accurate. And, finally, humorous.
Here is how it began: “Australian author Jon Doust is a renowned novelist, comedian, professional speaker, and festival director, but it is not known if he climbed mountains. It is possible 'climbing mountains' has been used as a metaphor for his achievements in the many artistic fields in which he has been engaged in, in his long and successful life or he has been mixed up with another adventurer of the same name. It is also possible that he invented a mountain-climbing background to add mystery to his profile.”
It went on to point out that I had written three novels and had once received a mention on a Miles Franklin list. It also mentioned that there was a time when I could make a certain kind of person laugh and had made a sort of, almost living, as a mildly funny comedian and professional speaker.
I have never, however directed a festival, or organised a chook raffle in the local pub. Not that it mentioned chooks, but I do as an old fashioned way to describe someone who has no organisational abilities.
The glaring omission was that the family's living expenses were supplemented, and often sustained, by what is referred to in the advertising trade as a quality voice. I was, am, and continue to be, a voice-over artist. And if I was to read this to you, you would swoon and sway due to my rich, mellifluous tonal qualities. Certain agencies prize it and, thus, pay for it.
I then asked it to write a bio of Jon Doust author and surfer. It began much the same as before and added.
“As for the surfer part: an official Miles Franklin biography specifically describes Doust as living in Albany, where he “runs, surfs”— so surfing is indeed part of his life, although his published biographies generally identify him primarily as an author, comedian and speaker rather than as a professional surfer. If you were to ask again for an emphasis on his surfing history where he surfed, the number of points he gained during his last year on the world surfing circuit, what breaks he is associated with, and any old surfing photos or articles about him, this can be done.”
But the best bit came last.
“Not only is Jon Doust an accomplished author, he is married to Penny, who is also a renowned author, the author of seven novels in her own right and three non-fiction books based on her work in Afghanistan.”
My father would have loved every word. He was a man who never, in the old vernacular of his day, got up himself. If, for example, you came home from school with a mark of ninety seven percent for a maths exam, he would respond with: “What happened to the other three percent?”
He was a sensible man of business, a farmer, and blessed with a healthy disregard for pomposity and those who thought of themselves as most important.
If he had read ChaTGPT’s version of my bio, he would have mocked with joy and vigour.
“What's this?” he would have asked. “Professional speaker with an intelligent and vibrant sense of humour, able to provide insight and offer suggestions for life changes and the betterment of society in general? You must be joking. Who did you pay to write this nonsense? I have known you since birth and the only things you ever mastered were blabbing nonsense non stop, climbing trees, and surfing.”
And here is the truth. Well, some of it.
I wrote all of the above, while borrowing a couple of bits from ChatGPT and Gemini and exaggerating them. The bit about my wife a prime example. She is not an author, rather a crochet guru and chook raffle organiser.
There is no doubt that all my published works have been stolen by more than one AI program to train itself, yet, I am sure, none of them will ever match the dysfunctional, disorganised, random wilderness of my inner creative mind.
Jon Doust is a one-time comedian, writer, novelist, professional speaker and advertising voice-over artist.