Credit: Ellie Angell
The MFA DE&I Council would like to see an industry where everyone can thrive, feel heard, supported, and safe to do their best work. Let’s meet the Changers who are sharing their own lived experiences to inspire us all to change for the better.
Let me take you with me on a short journey, made from my house to a client meeting in the city.
As I walk down my road, I see two builders looking at me askance. They cross the road towards me to get a closer look. I can see their disappointment as they realise what I am. As I approach, they take up most of the pavement, so I have to squeeze by. ‘F****** freak,’ I hear one of them mutter, as I pass.
The station is busy; it’s rush hour. I walk along the crowded platform and sense many pairs of eyes raised to stare at me. When I catch anyone’s gaze with a questioning look, they quickly look away.
More of the same awaits me in the train carriage. Not everyone looks up, but enough to make me feel scrutinised, questioned. ‘Is that a… what is it, exactly?’ is the question I can feel them asking. A few people whisper to each other with subconsciously raised fingers pointed at me. Two older people look openly disapproving, until I meet their gaze.
Having left the station and walked through the CBD, riding the stares and doubletakes and having one person shout something unintelligible but clearly insulting at me as he passes in a car, I stop for coffee and give my order. ‘It’ll just be a couple of minutes, sir!’ says the barista, cheerfully. Is he joking, is that an insult, or has he made a mistake? I’m unsure, so I decide this time not to challenge him and turn away, my heart heavy.
I reach the lobby of the office I’m visiting and enter the elevator. I’m confronted by three women. Their animated chatter stops abruptly as I enter and they exchange nervous glances. They all exit together, on the floor below my destination. As the elevator doors close behind them, I hear one of them exclaim, ‘Well, THAT was interesting!’
What I’ve just taken you through is an amalgamation of many journeys. But here’s the thing. All of these exact incidents have happened to me, some of them many times; and a combination or variance of them happens every time I leave my house. Every day. Sometimes more, sometimes less, but always something.
Don’t get me wrong. Many people either don’t see me as trans, or don’t care. There are many, many trans people with far greater challenges than me when it comes to ‘passing’ without notice.
But these micro-aggressions are a constant feature of my day-to-day life. And while each one is minor in itself, they can have a profound cumulative effect on my mental health, on the effort it takes me to move through the world.
Trans people need allies now more than ever. All that I want – and I’d guess this applies to most trans people – is to be normalised.
We’re not a performance, we’re not a curiosity to be gawped at, we’re not walking fetishes or fantasies, we’re not monsters; we’re mostly just trying to live our lives. We are real. We exist.
Just as I can feel micro-aggression, I can feel micro-support. The person who walks by me without reaction, or who issues a reflexive, friendly smile.
The person who includes me in a group conversation, without affectation. The person who interacts with me in any environment without ‘trans’ being a topic, at all. The person who accepts me genuinely and unquestioningly, rather than at surface level.
Activism, petitioning, marching, supportive movements like NION, voting for pro-trans political movements, educating others, standing up against bullying and bigotry… all of these forms of allyship are so important.
But never forget that you don’t have to be the one at the rally. You can be an ally without ‘doing’; allyship is also about being.
Being genuine in the way you show up with a trans friend, or colleague, or relative, in a way that makes them feel real, and that being trans is not all that defines them.
Trust me, they’ll be able to tell when it happens. They’ll be able to feel the micro-support, and they’ll take so much strength from it.
I know I do.
Ellie Angell is Business Director at TrinityP3
Have something to say on this? Share your views in the comments section below. Or if you have a news story or tip-off, drop us a line at adnews@yaffa.com.au
Sign up to the AdNews newsletter, like us on Facebook or follow us on Twitter for breaking stories and campaigns throughout the day.