BOYS DO CRY - Lucio Ribeiro at Optus 5G

By AdNews | 10 June 2022
 
Lucio Ribeiro.

This series shines a light on toxic masculinity and encourages Australians to support themselves and their mates. Featuring industry leaders sharing personal experiences with the tagline -- When the going gets tough, get talking.

It celebrates the BOYS DO CRY campaign, which launched with a transformed version of The Cure’s iconic song, Boys Don’t Cry. The campaign is the brainchild of independent advertising agency The Hallway, produced in partnership with The University of Melbourne’s Centre for Mental Health, Heiress Films, Good Oil’s Tom Campbell, Uncanny Valley, Initiative and powered by UnLtd – raising funds for mental fitness foundation Gotcha4Life.

Next up is Lucio Ribeiro, RMIT Lecturer and Associate Director of Innovation at Optus 5G

When was the last time you cried?

Ha, that’s easy. Possibly this week. I cry pretty often. It cleanses and resets my mind and feelings

Tell us about your experience of traditional masculine stereotypes growing up.

The hardest thing was growing up with the mentality that I had to bottle up my emotions. I grew up (as most of us did) being told to conceal, repress and kill our emotions.

I also had a very limited emotional education. At its best, my emotional education was morality guidelines that, although valuable, weren’t the necessary markers to build up an emotionally healthy man.

One of the problems was that we got far too good at ‘keeping our heads up’ and never stopping.

What would you tell your 15-year-old self about opening up and showing your emotions?

I would tell him that you can’t suffocate or silence your emotions. If you do, they only resurface again later, transformed and stronger.

I’m a lecturer, and I often see many young men with a lot of bottled-up resentment. My suggestion is always to address it, it can be a revelatory emotion. There’s nothing more dangerous than a young man full of untreated rage and resentment.

Every day our words have an impact on people, including the words we use to communicate with ourselves. Our internal voices are an internalisation of the things others say to us. It’s important to be kind to others and kind to yourself.

What do you want for the next generation?

  • To take responsibility for their emotional education and practice kindness.
  • To not choose wealth over virtue.
  • To not choose individualism over community.

Depression and anxiety aren’t caused by misery alone. They’re the by-product of people avoiding their emotions, distancing and loneliness. I wish the next generation understands that compassion and kindness to others is not a luxury but actually a remedy for our despair. Being vulnerable helps to build supportive friendships and relationships and puts an end to loneliness.

Love, kindness and vulnerability aren’t just feelings; they’re skills that require constant effort.

What do we, as a society, need to do to challenge views that men should always put on a brave front?

We all pay a high price for our emotional ignorance. Many people are happy to listen and support other people’s emotions, yet how often do you listen and help yourself?

As a society, we should invest in our emotional education as much as we do for maths, geography or history. A lot of the aggressions and polarisation we see today result from emotional neglect.

Collectively, we should also look at our definitions of success and failure. We’re constantly celebrating winners, but we have no idea what to do with ‘losers’. As a result, we feel imposter syndrome not because we’re imperfect but because we see people on top as perfect.

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