A new series by AdNews shines a light on toxic masculinity and encourages Australians to support themselves and their mates. Featuring industry leaders sharing personal experiences with the tagline -- When the going gets tough, get talking.
It celebrates the BOYS DO CRY campaign, which launched with a transformed version of The Cure’s iconic song, Boys Don’t Cry. The campaign is the brainchild of independent advertising agency The Hallway, produced in partnership with The University of Melbourne’s Centre for Mental Health, Heiress Films, Good Oil’s Tom Campbell, Uncanny Valley, Initiative and powered by UnLtd – raising funds for mental fitness foundation Gotcha4Life.
Here we have creator of the Never Not Creative community and co-chair of the creative, media and marketing industry Mentally-Healthy Change Group, Andy Wright:
1. When was the last time you cried?
My best friend died from cancer a few years ago. There are always constant reminders that can trigger a cry now and again. Most recently it was a combination of feeling very far away from friends and him whilst I was down and lonely, and feeling like I wasn't achieving anything despite how much I thought I was trying.
2. Tell us about your experience of traditional masculine stereotypes growing up.
I guess I had a pretty traditional family. When it came to emotions and feelings we were the quintessential British stiff upper lip. I don't think we were particularly different to anyone else back then, it was just how things were.
Male role models were always unflappable, unstoppable, almost flawless. I think back then we viewed it as inspirational. In hindsight, I feel like it was just perpetually out of reach. You were either 100% amazing or second best, there was no inbetween.
3. What would you tell your 15 year old self about opening up and showing your emotions?
Don't sit in your bedroom for hours on end. Don't make mixtapes for company. Don't think that the only way to stay safe is to isolate yourself from others. Find people that YOU like. Find people that help you feel better about yourself. Don't think that if you're not best mates with those that are perceived as the most popular, that you fall short. Don't think that you're not worthy.
It's much easier to say now. Find friends that you can talk for hours with. Find friends that are as comfortable with your silence as they are with what you really think. Make the effort to connect. Don't make a hint that you'd like to talk, and then when someone doesn't take it, retreat and never try again. Say yes more. Enjoy the here and now.
4. What do you want for the next generation?
More kindness. Less judgment. More belief in others. Less mistrust. More open-mindedness. Less prejudice. More effort to help others. Less get-ahead at the expense of others.
I genuinely believe things are changing. The conversation about men's health, masculinity and expectations are changing - at least they are in my circles. It's easier to find people who will open up, sacrifice privilege and do things for the greater good.
But we still have to work hard to give people, men especially, the permission to do that. Help remove the fear that you’re the minority in these beliefs. In Never Not Creative’s Creativity and Football podcast series, Zac Seidler, a psychologist from Movember shared with me the concept of "The Perception Gap." It’s this idea that if a man speaks up against traditional masculinity or even misogyny, that they might be ostracised or cast out from their mates.
The truth is often a long way from that. Speaking up gives others the courage to speak up. It gives them permission to join you in sharing their true feelings and beliefs and it helps show that ultimately you were in the silent majority, not the vocal majority that were just saying what they thought everyone needed to hear.
5. What do we, as a society, need to do to challenge views that men should always put on a brave front?
We need to gather momentum in supporting the number of men who have the courage to speak up. Strength in numbers. But we also need to focus on the future, not the past. This doesn't mean forgiving past behaviour but it does mean allowing men to move forward and do the right thing. To be the men we expect them to be now, not the men we expected them to be 50 years ago. And if someone chooses to open up, don't just observe it from afar. Acknowledge it, ask them about it, ask them how they feel. Don't just say 'good onya mate' and then quickly move on to the latest footy results.
Have something to say on this? Share your views in the comments section below. Or if you have a news story or tip-off, drop us a line at adnews@yaffa.com.au
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