Fire up in down time - Jobs Bulletin

By Candide McDonald | 10 December 2015
 

This story was brought to you by the AdNews jobs board.

December is a good time to be a big fish in a small pond. If you can count in one hand the number of people in a position to put you into your next job on their top tier, pick up the phone now.

For everyone else, December is a time for making a list, checking it twice and finding out where you’ve been good and not so good in your job applications. So you can be better in the next one.

1. Remove your job search filters and make a list of all the job titles that could apply to you. In some sectors, there’s a new title every other week. You may have been missing opportunities.
2. Re-read your cover letters. In the cold light of a day a few months later, you might notice bits you could improve – or omit.
3. Revise your C.V. then send it to someone whose opinion you trust and allow him/her to appraise it.
4. Update your references. You are not the only person changing.
5. Rethink how you present your application package. Do all – or indeed any – or your job applications require the standard C.V. and portfolio formats? Could you present yourself in ways (formats) that also show off noteworthy skills - like ingenuity?
6. Let’s talk about writing:

Copywriting may be a devalued skill right now – and it may not get onto even the top fifty attributes your role requires. But we all communicate with words and we all “read” the messages beneath those words automatically.

So think about your language. Get the basics right, with a rigorous spell check and against a reputable online grammar checklist, then go over your word choices in detail.

Remove hence, whilst, alongside and all its gawky cousins.

Replace all the buzzwords.

And yes, that includes disruptive. It was a dumb word way back in 2008.

Take the simplest route from A to B in every sentence. Whenever you pause to breathe, use a full stop.  Now is not the time to try out new words unless you’re 100% sure you’re using them correctly. Replace them. Write like a human being. No one wants to hire a robot. And try not to start every sentence with I. No one wants to hire an egomaniac.

Let your copy sit for 24 hours before you review it. It won’t change, but what you read most definitely will.  Meanwhile, relax and regroup. Here’s a bit of fun to rebalance your attitude to job hunting.

And here’s a job application that grew from a satirical post by writer, Greg Bulmash, in 1997. In the original, a 17 year old applies for a job at Maccas. It grew and developed during its journey around the internet and in 2008, a WalMart appeared. It’s even funnier. It goes like this:

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny..... 

NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Fart) 

SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) 

DESIRED POSITION : Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. 

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. 

EDUCATION: Yes. 

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. 

PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. 

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. 

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. 

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. 

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. 

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? 

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50LBS?: Of what? 

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" 

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me. 

DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes! 

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS ?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. 

NEAREST RELATIVE ....7 miles 

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

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