Two Cents: An open letter

This is an open letter to all purveyors of delegation in our wonderful industry.

As agency employees, we all make a commitment to you, our beloved managers, clients and publishers to deliver the best quality work possible at all times. However...

If you didn’t already know, tonight is the Media Federation Awards, a night to celebrate the achievements and perspiration of the year past. With this hard work in mind, there are a few “watch outs” we would like to flag for tomorrows agenda.

I will be unavailable for the first two hours of the day as I have a prior engagement with the bin under my desk. Then a further 45 minutes for a phone conference for assorted apologies and cancellations of missing credit cards.

I must also warn you that I will be wearing the same clothes as the previous day and I will be trialling my new Jim Beam cologne. Please also ignore the awkward tension you may notice between myself and other employees as I no doubt would have tried my luck with at least one of them.

It’s important to note that no material instructions will be completed correctly, in fact nothing will be completed to its fullest potential as my brain has temporarily been replaced by a grey and painful cloud. While I remember, can you be a gem and cancel that performance review meeting we had scheduled?

I would also like to apologise in advance for the bad decisions, compromising photos and possible damage caused to any brand with which I technically represent. I would like to reiterate that the $300 dollars I may ask to borrow this evening is definitely for my sick grandma and her expensive medical needs.

While I have your attention, please understand that we have always had a limited capacity for “small talk”. Let’s not test the boundaries of conversation tonight. I am scared we may have nothing for Monday’s elevator ride.

On a personal note, I thank you for allowing us to have this open and honest dialogue with each other and look forward to Melbourne Cup in a couple of weeks.

Yours sincerely,
Your dedicated employee