Sexism and sexual harassment are with us in marketing and advertising every day. I’m so exhausted by it, it is certainly tempting to name and shame right now when I’ve remained silent for so long.
With the likes of Cindy Gallop on the warpath for names, in light of the Harvey Weinstein scandal, there is a push more than ever, and how tempting it is.
Perhaps those that have done wrong in the past are shaking in their boots? Like the creative director who put his penis on my shoulder, or the one who broke into my hotel room while on location and felt me up while I was sleeping, that client asking to ‘see my tits’ at the boardroom table in front of a room full of my inert peers, to those that called me ‘the girlie’?
What about those that pushed me out or stopped me moving up because they thought I was too ‘full on’? What about the boss who insisted on an interview only over lunch but not in the office? What about those reputable businesses that perpetuated all this? Should they be worried right now? What about those that operate with a silent undercurrent and use passive aggressive isolation and exclusion?
Read: Is there a Weinstein of advertising? Cindy Gallop is calling for names
To me, this is the real problem in our industry, and in our culture. Those of us women who are strong, independent, certain of self, driven and not afraid to stand for something, are probably the worst off. Being called outspoken, bitchy, aggressive, disruptive; or just being silently overlooked and shut out is much worse than anyone’s penis on my shoulder, frankly.
Weak men, who can’t handle a strong woman, either revert to bullying, violence or silently push us aside without proper investigation, and overlook us because of their lack of emotional intelligence and their commitment to their mates, or their own gender as default.
Having a voice and being strong as a female is difficult in our industry. Why is it that the men around me can be strong to the point of being quite terse, unashamedly aggressive, sometimes nasty and manipulative; and yet in a man all this is considered a sign of leadership, confidence, strength, and authority? If I stand firm in my conviction, have drive, be certain of my integrity, stand up against poor behaviour, speak openly and frankly, then how come that’s not OK?
There is nothing worse than being the smartest person in the room and having the least voice. It is like in the movie the Matrix, where you can see the code and the solutions before anyone else, but in our industry it seems people are not ready for it. I’ll raise a point, only to be silently overlooked and moments later, sometimes weeks later, a man will raise the same point and it seems as if it is life changing and revolutionary.
What about the boss that shows no respect for women in his own team and that spreads like a virus to others, therefore diffusing any chance of the woman being seen and respected? I spent years thinking that I must not have been smart enough or good enough and committed to expanding my education and skillset, all to find out this just makes things worse. Being able to see more, know more and still not be heard just doubles the frustration.
Read: The troublemaker stigma: Why women don’t come forward about sexual harassment
It appalls me to see women in leadership positions, having gotten there by flirting and flapping their eyelashes. Recently a female creative director heaved her bust forward, lay them on the table, and spoke in a baby’s voice to convince the client to approve her (off brand) concept because ‘it would mean so much to me’. I nearly fell over in shock to think this is still the way for women to get ahead in our industry.
Don’t get me going on real life. What about the independent, confident, and polyamorous woman who doesn’t want to be tied down but is considered a slut, or been accused of ‘not being able to find a husband’, while the man is considered a freedom loving stud? What about the woman who is single by choice yet is accused of being inadequate or dysfunctional in some way because of it, and the man by contrast a sexy bachelor? What about the car salesman who speaks to the man in a couple as if the woman is invisible, but who is actually the potential buyer? All these people that hold these out-dated ideals turn up at work in our industry every day. This job is bigger than just naming and shaming a few men at work.
Many of us women experience the pressure of having to be less, so the men around us can be more; and most of us accept that without question. I’ve done it and I see it every day. So, is the remedy right now to name and shame – as tempting as that may be? I don’t think so.
Look at Amber Harrison who battled with Channel Seven CEO Tim Worner, and what that got her? The situation may well have been real, but proving it is another matter. I think it is naive to think that because you have been wronged, that’s enough for justice to be achieved.
Read: Cindy Gallop urges agency bosses to protect victims and whistleblowers
What would be more powerful right now is for the men to step up and become more masculine – but in a healthier way. Step up! Be the voice to support the smart woman in the office who has the insights that make a difference. Really listen for them, and break your bad habits of only listening to the men. If a woman makes a point that is overlooked and a man takes the credit, then correct that openly. Watch your team dynamics, and if the men are being applauded for their confidence, strength and leadership then allow the women to do so equally. Watch your head count consciously. Choose the images your present in your creative and communications to be appropriately diverse. Don’t demand a certain culture in your office, but only make it apply to one gender and not the other. Review your communication lines and if you have ‘mates’ aligned and overpassing the women, then formalise the process. If you are feeling under threat or incompetent with a strong woman before you, then work on your own skills to get better at what you do or get more emotionally intelligent about how you manage her, rather than push her aside or avoid her.
If a woman challenges you and you stare blankly at her and turn away without the confidence to speak openly, then do something about your own inadequacies.
Learn how to stand firm and confident without having to resort to violence, abuse or worst still passive aggressive behaviours. Expect smart women to challenge the status quo, and embrace that as you would any leader-in-the making.
Most of all – let’s think of people as ‘us’, without gender. Take the sexuality out of business. Many senior women are not even aware of their own dysfunction to get where they have, and are blind to the way they play the masculine game. They too need to be more aware of their own behaviour to perpetuate this.
It would be interesting to do some proper research on where the problems lie in the industry in order to focus on reinvention and intervention. I’d love to see some research on the specific behaviours and where they sit in the industry more deeply, and not just broad impressions by gender or vague statistics. My personal guess is that it would be the over 40’s (and that is both men and women in fact, but presenting issues in very different ways); and sadly that’s likely where management sits. Those who have the ability to impact change the most.
My personal experience is that men under 40 see women as equals and embrace our confidence, strength and independence. I feel the most accepted and equal to this generation of man; in and out of the workforce. I know equality exists because of my experience with this generation and they are the perfect role model for the older managers – take note.
Read: #MeToo and Weinstein - the advertising edition
I’m pretty certain that most women in this industry want to be able to stand confidently, side by side with men of equal ability and to be equally recognised. We want to be ourselves above all else, and not put in a box by someone else’s view of us. That is only something you can experience if you have been in that situation.
To stand against this ingrained problem may well be a first step in solving it by naming and shaming and I could be wrong here; but I feel it will only come about when men are prepared to step up and get better equipped and man up. It’s a term that offends many, but there is no other term that will resonate with the offending men in our industry, that they understand.
And women must also stop perpetuating this bias by allowing it, and playing up to men in an unhealthy way.
Awareness is an important step, but perhaps the perfect revenge would be to succeed on our own, in our own right rather than futile naming and shaming.
Anne Miles is managing director of International Creative Services, an independent marketing consultancy and has trained as a life coach including understanding masculine and feminine energy. This is the first in a series of artices from Miles on the subject.
Do you agree? Have something to say on this? Email AdNews editor Rosie Baker on rosiebaker@yaffa.com.au in complete confidence and anonymity or Contact Cindy Gallop on cindy@ifwerantheworld.com, as many have already done. Contact another person in the industry you trust and get their advice. Seek legal advice as some already are.