My 96-year-old grandmother, Margaret Keith, was never a great supporter of women, nor an advocate for women’s rights, despite the extraordinary life she led. She definitely didn’t think that Margaret Thatcher should be Prime Minister, although they shared the same politics and fashion sense, and she was completely dismissive of Indira Ghandi. And yet, she has inspired me and set me up for success.
On International Women’s Day, I am not sure I want to march, knit a hat or take to public speaking. I want to celebrate her. Grandma Keith’s, actions, attitude and advice were an important lesson as I reflect on #pressforchange.
She supported me through college and university, she looked after me for those vital 18 months after finals as I found a job (Grampian Television, advertising sales). She packed my lunch every day and made sure I had enough money for the tube and covered me at the end of every month as my budgeting wasn’t what it needed to be. She encouraged me, fed me, listened to me and didn’t judge me and has been my career cheerleader for the last 25 years.
My grandmother is 96, still lives alone as she has been widowed for over 30 years and has outlived two of her five sons. Amazing hey?
Even more amazing is that she left school when she was 15 and worked in a shoe polish factory but when she retired at 60 she was in an administrative role for the British Gas Board, working in the "chairman’s complaints" team and overseeing the early days of computerisation of the call centre. That particular role that involved a daily train trip into central London dressed in her specific tweedy two-piece twin set and pearls, a look of which she was immensely proud.
It had taken her 45 years to achieve a significant salary, a professional role and the pride that comes from building something out of nothing through sheer tenacity and hard work.
She was devastated that she had to retire at 60, however, felt she had no choice and certainly did not look for an advocate to help her fight the system.
But closer to home, her language and attitude to women in her extended family, neighbourhood and friendship group was often laced with innuendo, gossip and even threat.
And therein lies the paradox.
As Sarah Malik wrote for SBS last week: “It's often other women and Aunties who will be the most aggressive agents of the smearing and enforcing, themselves steeled through a patriarchal system that has burnt and shaped them.”
She is referring specifically to Michaelia Cash’s threat to “name every young woman in Mr Shorten’s office over which rumours in this place abound”. Unfortunately we recognise this not just as a tactic that was employed in politics but often in daily life.
If you saw the news last week, Penny Wong shut down Cash like a boss. As Malik writes: “Her fierce and clear rebuttal to Cash is a lesson on how to be a force without losing your compass, “never forgetting to stand up for others, as you yourself rise.”
I believe that there is something much simpler and closer to home that we can all do. I am going to suggest advice from Grandma who likes to say this but has not really taken her own advice: if you haven’t got anything nice to say, don’t say anything.
And, I would add, if and when you have an opportunity to support your female colleagues, do so to the best of your ability.
I am not being a Pollyanna here. I'm not suggesting we fake nice each other to death and I am definitely not asking us to conform to any patriarchal views of “set and proper” behaviour.
Psychologists say there are three main reasons for what I shall shortcut as “Mean Girls” chat.
We project our unwanted parts, we can get away with it and/or we don’t have the skills to recognise or alter our behaviour.
Let’s all write this in our day books, keep it in our phone or tattoo it in on our eyelids as inverse inspo reminder.
And finally, thank you Grandma Keith, I owe you a great debt for your support. I may not agree with your views but you gave me an opportunity to develop and express mine.
With thanks and reference to Sarah Malik.
By Sarah Keith, MD at Publicis Media Exchange